TRUE LOVE

“Anirban we played FLAMES between you and Riya” said a friend of mine during class 7. Played what? FLAMES silly – the game which decides what will be the relation between you and Riya. Now Riya was one of the prettiest girls around, so I was eager to know the result. What’s the outcome? S – S for sweetheart? No S for Sister. Nooo…. Don’t worry dude we got M between you and Payel. What’s M?? I asked scared cause Payel was the perfect example of a Tomboy – always punching people around. M for Marriage. When Payel got the news, I got a blackeye for no fault of mine.

This was just one of those numerous incidents that I have had during my search for True Love from these soft spoken, kind hearted, mind boggling, eye catching human beings called Girls.

People often ask me why you don’t have a girlfriend? Some of them gives me that knowing look and asks “Are you straight?” “Yes I am straight both physically, actually and hypothetically.” I am not single for the want of .After I reached adolescence and realized that you shouldn’t chase girls only to play hide and seek, I had the first bout of chemical imbalance in my brain which in simple English translates to love. I came across a term: pick up lines and after a lot of studying realized you should come up with original ones. Another weapon that my dedicated research discovered was poetry. Yes, since time immemorial Shakespeare, Wordsworth and other eminent poets have struck the chord in the hearts of the damsels; have melted their hearts with the warmth of words. Priyanka was her name, as I was waiting outside the school gate I saw her coming. My friends prodded me and there I was waiting with a lovely Red Rose in my hand.

“This Rose is Red; the school dress is Blue, I love you, I love you.”

She smiled and accepted the Red Rose. Yes! It worked. Ladies and gentlemen a truly great poet is born. Or so I thought before she spoke:

“This Rose is Red; the school dress is Blue, My dog writes better poetry than you.”

However contrary to what you people might have thought by now, it wasn’t the end of our relationship. Priyanka was my girl friend, girl who is a friend and Tommy was her boy friend as she went about proclaiming like a loud speaker! This was another triangular love story, only difference being Tommy was not a guy but a dog. Yes, she was another mini version of Maneka Gandhi who loves every species of animals except human beings specifically guys. I called her up a few days after knowing her to ask her out for our first date. “Hey Priyanka, let’s go out for a candle light dinner even though we don’t need the candle. Your mere presence will light up the room.” Yes friends I am a good liar. Priyanka said “Yea I agree but what about Tommy? Who will take care of him?” “Oh your dog. Not to worry. Tie him up so that he doesn’t run away.” “DOG? TIE HIM UP? HOW DARE YOU CALL TOMMY A DOG? YOU INSENSITIVE HUMAN BEING. YOU PUPPY HATING PAAPI.YOU ARROGANT BRAT.” I realized I need to give as much respect to Tommy as I give to Priyanka’s mommy. “No no. He is not a dog. Why should Tommy be a dog? I am a dog.” “Better.” “So when can I pick you up?” “I don’t date dogs. Bye.”

After that experience, my search for true love took a backseat. However, as they say Men will be Men and I committed the cardinal sin again. But believe me guy’s it’s not my fault. She was so beautiful, so gorgeous, and so spectacular, so hot….ok this is a family show….no more descriptions. Whenever guys used to see her something happened to them. The same things happened to me also thankfully. However, my friends warned me that she is a “Demanding” girl. All the more better. They said no no you fool we mean it the right way not the guy’s way. I just brushed them aside. Jealous people. How I wish I didn’t. Her name was Sheila. On our first date in front of 200 people she said sing for me.

“You fill up my senses”

She was looking at me. John Denver fan? Yes. JOHN DENVER FAN??? Yes why? John Denver ditched his girlfriend. You plan to do the same. How will I know that I was going around with an encyclopedia? I told her sorry very sorry I will never again listen to John Denver.

After a few days came her second and final demand. If you love me prove it to me. What do you want me to do? Take Pain. I was scared now that she will ask me to break my bone or something like that but what she said was more barbaric and soulless than anything one could think of : Wax your legs. What??? No I cannot do that. Never! You know Rakesh was asking me what am I doing tomorrow evening. I will be here tomorrow morning with waxed legs. And there was I at her place red both due to embarrassment as well as due to the pain of waxing. And you all know what she said. I don’t like this, your legs look better than mine. I was flabbergasted. To save the sinking ship I told her without thinking anything “I don’t love your legs.” “Whose legs do you love?” “You are having an affair with someone else?” “No I love only my legs” “You narcissist, self centered human being. You don’t care for me do you. You only think about yourself. Goodbye. Rakesh is much better than you. He told me if he was in Shashi Kapoor’s shoes in Zanjeer he would have said in reply to AB’s “I have a car, a bungalow. What do you have”? “I have Sheila”. That is true love.” I still wonder what all Rakesh waxed.

Dear Toastmasters, running after True Love has taught me that the more you run after something, it runs away from you faster. I have had enough of these “Dogs over Boyfriend” and “Why you don’t wax your legs” kind of girls. I am single and happy. And there is a woman who loves me truly with all my flaws. My mother. Today just a few days after Mother’s day I dedicate my article to all the mother’s in this world who actually loves truly.